I am in Waterstones, in the cookery section. Why I am here, when I think about it logically, I do not know. Whether it is because I like the idea of people thinking I will make these foods, the pretty pictures or just the fact that I have really good intentions it is beyond me. It doesn’t help that as the new academic year, my last being a student, looms the usual I-will-loose-10-pounds-and-become-a-domestic-goddess plans have set in. For September has always been my time for New Year’s resolutions. Forget ‘new year, new me’ on January first. How am I supposed to change when I usually enter the New Year horribly hungover in bed with Netflix and crisps? No, September always seems like a much better time for, what is essentially, self-improvement bullshit. So, as any good student knows, I have decided that the best way to learn how to become basically a first class human being is to buy lots of books, put them all on my shelves so they look pretty for Instagram and then not read any of them.
So, where better to start with my endeavours that the queen of clean living herself- Gwyneth Paltrow. Contrary to popular belief I like Gwyneth- I probably like her a little bit too much. I’m just not sue she is real- she’s too glowy and perfect. I like her in the same way that everyone would like being invited over to one kids house to play in school because they had the cool mum who made the best cakes at school fairs and arrived at sports practice with the shiniest hair and the nicest smelling perfume. She’s chic and unattainable and I do believe it is for this reason that I have become obsessed with all things Paltrow. I picked up her book initially because I liked her jumper she was wearing on the cover and the candle in the foreground would look perfect on my windowsill. Obviously it was from www.to-expensive-for-you-peasant.com (this will be my next website). As a poor (POOR!!) student, Paltrow’s website Goop is not a friendly place for me. One of her moisturisers alone costs more than my weekly food shop- but hey I’ll have that Gwyneth glow. So whilst her lotions and potions would lead to bankruptcy and the idea of a vagina facial quite simply terrifies me, her cookbooks may actually be the only bit of her lifestyle I can get to grips with. And after writing four very successful books, she must be doing something right. ‘It’s all easy’ promised a plethora of tasty treats that would help you ditch the burger and find your inner glow (and I really like burgers).
Rather than opting for Paltrows’ notorious $200 breakfast smoothie (I mean it’s not that expensive but I am still balling on a budget) I decided to try her Thai-style crab cakes. Now I am not a culinary genius but I can feed myself. The recipe suggested that the meal would be fit for four people and I figured this could be a treat meal for myself (as crab isn’t exactly student dining). The thing was, the recipe was relatively quick and easy. I didn’t struggle too much and all the ingredients smelt and looked amazing. Don’t get me wrong, if I had any sort of healthy income I would eat like this all the time (once a week when I could be bothered.)
It was also tasty and I mean REALLY tasty. So tasty in fact I could have eaten the meal three times over, not that I could have afforded it on my student loan. After putting in some toast and placing the book back in its rightful place I resigned myself that Gwyneth may always be the hot yoga mum that is borderline super human. I will adopt her promotions of cute knit jumpers and scented candles but that may be it. I would like to add that I am typing this whilst looking at Hemsley and Hemsleys Instagram…call me mad but a girl has to have goals.