So, the first of my aforementioned holidays is underway. I will jump straight into this because to be honest on the surface it has all be relatively stress free. I arrived at the airport with buckets of time to waste in duty free. I breezed through onto the plane and despite suffering next level stomach cramps (Mother Nature really does have a sense of humour) the flight was pretty smooth. My bikinis are packed (thank you ASOS, sorry bank account) and I am ready to sit by a pool and bronze for two weeks. We get to the very comfy hotel ready to have some food and hit the hay. As expected, Cephalonia is one of the most beautiful islands and apparently the perfect place for my anxiety to set in.
So that is where I am writing this from, my hotel room on my first night at 3:34 am. I am acutely aware that I have no wifi so no way of reconnecting with the outside world which at this point seems galaxies away and I am just sat here with my thoughts (which are racing). I hate that we live in a society which is so driven and lead by technology when there is so much else to enjoy and I never thought I was the type of person who was addicted to their phones. But as I stared at my obsolete iPhone on the bed side table, I never missed aimlessly scrolling through Instagram more! I shall now rate my thoughts (with retrospect) from ridiculous to downright crazy…
- I am going to miss the Love Island final!! I won’t know who wins and some Judas will surely post it on the internet before I get a chance to catch up so it will be well and truly ruined! (At the time this was a very real fear)
- I know my average so I know I have finished university with a 2:1 but what if I am wrong? What if I counted wrong or they decide (for some unknown reason) to give me a surprise third? I won’t know until graduation when I am on the stage…
- Graduation in general…I could fall, I could burp in the chancellor’s face, I might vomit, I might pass out…what if I die?
- Someone might break into my house, steal all of my possessions and set it on fire! I would never know because no one can contact me…
- What if I have a family emergency?
- What if my girlfriend has a family emergency?
- What if any of my friends have a family emergency?
I mean, I’ll spare you all the rest of my thoughts but you get the picture. Maybe it is because my night time activities of checking my emails fifty times, texting and scrolling back to the beginning of time on all social media platforms have been taken away that I am being forced to be chill. Once the feeling of imminent doom has subsided it was actually okay. Aside from being allergic to the sun tan lotion and basically scratching my eyes out I read a few books, a couple of magazines cover to cover and explored the island. Doing nothing and being cut off from the world taught me to be okay about not really being together right now. I don’t know what I am doing or where I am going but not being connected to the rest of the world forced me to make peace with my own thoughts.I had always blamed my inability to sleep and anxious feelings on too much caffeine and lack of exercise but once I sat down and switched off for a little while I was calmer than I have been in months.
(I worked out the wifi password four days into my visit and all was right again…I am disappointed with myself too!)